Halloween, I got a cat, I'm getting old...oh and I hate my hair.

A smorgasbord of subjects to touch on today...

Hallowiener

Living on my own and handing out candy that I paid for myself makes me bitter about giving it away to people who don't even try. Don't get me wrong, I'm not talking about the kids whose parents may not have enough money to buy a costume so they paint thier faces with mom's old make up and go out to get some candy...at least they did something and they are appreciative of what you give them. I'm talking about the snot nosed 14 or 15 year old brat who came to my door with a sheet hanging off of his New Era hat with a Jewel bag and just rang the door bell and expected me to throw him some tasty starburst or skittles...ummm Hi, WTF happened to Trick or Mother Fuckin' Treat?!? That's what it's called, so say it you little dick head. Next year, I'm buying "deserving candy" and "undeserving candy" The deserving kids will get good shit...the undeserving teenagers that need to be at home helping their own parents hand the shit out will get a slightly less appealing piece of treasure. Still candy...I'm not looking to get my pumpkins fucked up or my siding glazed with egg yoke...but come on. Give me a fucking break dude. If you're too cool to wear a costume, I'm for sure too cool to get off my ass while I'm watching my shows and give you the candy that I'd rather eat myself. For realz.


I prefer "Spinster"
We got a cat this weekend. Someone here is allergic, so I promise to keep the cat blog to a minimum. To sum it up, he's adorable, a terror, his internal alarm goes off at 5 am, he loves me and I still haven't thought of a name. We are leaning towards something...maybe it's Jerome...maybe it isn't. I haven't decided yet. What do you think?



I'm old and I'm so over myself.

Saturday night, I went to bed at 11:15. Sunday 10:30...last night, fell asleep watching tv at 9:30 and was told to go up to bed at 10:30! Point being, I'm exhausted and I'm really not doing that much to be this tired. I need to exercise...it's becoming necessary. I may wake up tomorrow and suddenly be 72. Seriously. Lastly,I kind of hate my hair now. I'm over it. I'm not really much for change. I like things the way they are...but every once in a while I get "crazy" and decide to do something like, I dunno, cut bangs in my hair. This happens mostly when I'm bored, have a day off and think things like cutting bangs when you haven't had them since you were a freshman in High School is awesome. It's probably not. Sometimes I like them, but mostly I think I look like a beagle. That's right, I said it. A beagle.

But alas, hair grows back right? What makes it grow faster, besides getting knocked up?

I'm going to watch some skell-ivision with my old pal, Conan. Goodnight and happy Halloween to everyone who is "deserving" of such warm wishes.

ghoul,
.K.

America's Next Top Employment Scandal???

I was going to post about last night's episode of ANTM...but while searching online for junk about it, I found this:

Don't work it!

Apparently, the writers from ANTM are on strike. Who knew?

"We are on strike seeking a union contract to insure we get basic benefits like health insurance. One episode of America's Next Top Model brings in an estimated $2.4 million in ad revenue for the network. Yet the writers work without health insurance, a pension, or a fair wage."

Shame on Tyra Banks too...she isn't supporting the people who create what sells the show. I guess I never thought about writers being behind all of it, to be honest the 'dialogue' of the show isn't what draws me to it, but I guess someone has to compose the "TYRAAAA MAIIIIL!" Right? Instead of supporting her writers, Tyra chooses to roll around on the set of her talk show, having seizures and giving away jewel encrusted jars of Vaseline to every audience member, which she states on the show are each worth over $100!!! That money wouldn't be better put to use to cover the health benefits of those writers? If you'd like to have an aneurysm, you can see that here.

Dis-gust-ing.

Lols at Lisa being on the picket lines for the writers though. At least she isn't bitter about being portrayed as the "old drunk" who was shown voluntarily peeing herself in a diaper in front of the Jackass jackasses on her cycle of the show. Hell no, she's capitalizing on that shit...selling t-shirts of her bikini clad silhouette guzzling a bottle of wine. Oh Lisa. I'm in the wrong industry....

Anyways...I hope those writers get their benefits. Will I stop watching ANTM, no...at least not for this cycle. I love Caridee. She overcame psoriasis for God's sakes.

Back to work. Wahhh Wahhh.

K.

Age ain't nothin' but a number...

Tomorrow is my Mom's birthday. She is going to be 55. I love my Mom, if I was in kindergarten I would make her a big heart card out of macaroni and glitter. Instead I will eat Chinese food with my wacky family and enjoy the fact that I have such an awesome Mom. That's how much I love her. She so obviously loves me too.

Some things I have learned from my Mom:

• My sense of humor and quit wit.
• The importance of Stevie Wonder, Aretha Franklin and the Lido Shuffle.
• How to be a true good friend.
  
• Creativity .
  

Some things that are awesome about my Mom:

• Her cackle.
• Her ability to put someone in their place in her "mom tone" with a full smile on her face.
• Her stories.
• The fact that after hearing those stories, she is still such a good person and isn't in a loony bin.
  

Anyways, she rules.

Happy Birthday to her.



I look weird there, like I just woke up...it was easter, so maybe I was just tired from celebrating the resurrection or maybe I just gobbled too many ham sandies. But Ma Dubbs has eyes open and mouth closed as not to see her trusty gum wad...so we'll roll with it.

In other news...I don't have a Halloween costume, or Halloween plans for that matter. Somehow as I've gotten older, the whole idea of Halloween has become less fun to me. We are having a "pot luck" at work and I have to bring something but I'm not dressing up seeing as the e-mail specifically warned against "explicit" or "offensive" costumes. So all the ideas I had were out.

I wonder when the benefits of growing up are going to kick in? Beuller? Beuller?

We got a new coffee machine at work. Probably one of the sweetest things to happen since I've worked there. It's called a Flavia. Admire it in all it's glory:



It's brilliant. It has 30 different drink options from coffee to tea and I'm in love. Much to my chagrin though, it's only a trial until Friday. I filled out three surveys saying how much I liked it. It makes friggin' Milkey Way flavored drinks. One of my co-workers compared the hysteria regarding the new machine to Pretzel Day on "The Office", so true. I totally see a mutiny coming on if they don't sign a contract to keep this magical contraption. In the mean time I will be trying my best to sample as many drinks as I can. Please keep me and the Flavia in your thoughts and prayers.

Lastly, this is probably one of the best human interest stories I've ever seen. It's kind of slow in the first couple minutes, but stick with it and you won't be sorry. SkidBoot

That's about it for now.

Don't be an asshole.

k.

"Hindsight isn't just 20/20..."

"it sticks it in and then proceeds to break one off..."

...vulgar deep thoughts from my brother that pretty much sum up life altogether. This weekend wasn't terrible, it just existed. Much like many things in my life right now, I'm looking back with the "what I should have done was..." glasses on.

Factual information:

-I was more than consumed both Friday and Saturday by this:



I have never been athletic, never played sports, never considered myself a "competitor" by any means known to man, but put this game in front of me and I'll probably not be your friend by the end of the night. This would be either because:

A) You are my teammate and I scold you continuously for not giving good enough clues, or not guessing my EASY description of famed Jefferson's actor Sherman Helmsley.

or

B) You are my competition and I've talked shit to you for the entire game because my team is winning.

You probably are better off with option B.

You may wonder what the hell this has to do with the subject of this post, and I'll tell you...this game is nothing but hindsight at it's best. You or your teammates telling eachother what you should have said in order to describe the word better...you beating yourself up because as soon as the buzzer goes off, you thought of the perfect clue to describe some obscure person, place or thing.

In all, I take this game way too seriously, but I totally have had thoughts of studying for it. Because I want to win.

-When I graduated from college, I moved back in with my Mom and Dad for a year before moving out and investing in some prime suburban real estate with my domestic partner. While living with my parents, I have no idea where the good "adult" salary I made went. I'm guessing gas, food, cigarettes, alcohol, bags, shoes, and clothes that I probably don't even wear anymore. I paid soley the minimum on my credit cards, which also paid for all of the above while I was in college, and never gave a thought to trying to pay down my debt. If I could go back to that time I would probably punch myself in the face or throw a glass of water at myself in order to snap the eff out of it and get down to business! But, alas, I am yet to harness my powers of time travel, so I sat in the dark on a Saturday night wallowing in hindsight and trying not to become a drinker as I figured out how much and how long I'll have to pay in order to be where I should have been by now and realizing how much of my money goes to household bills which would have been considered "disposable income" back at old Ma and Pa's. This part-the money part-is where the whole "sticking it in and breaking it off" really comes to play. I'd rather if you didn't try to visualize that, thanks.

Other events took place which aren't really any of your business, but to sum them up they included: hatred of others, sad day, fried chicken, the sweeds, perspiration, being a miserable wretch, first times and hopefully last times in the Jewel, back stabbing, that whole blood and water thickness thing...and getting roses even if it is a madeup holiday which really makes everything I just said in the above paragraph not so important.

Let's try to have a better few days okay?

okay.


.K.

if I've learned anything in my years....

I learned I no longer believe in surprise.

I went to The Falcon show tonight. I'm glad I did. Good show. Got to see my pal G. And after the show, going to purchase my souvenir t-shirt...I saw him again?


VS...


Wierd? Wierd. You may have had to be there. But it wasn't just me. Some fine folks from the "Q" were promoting the morning show outside and I overheard them commenting on "Gordon's twin" also. Slightly depressed, less good looking, and repping the "other, non-madormo" college station, but still...it's pretty creepy.

speaking of creepy...







.k.

I don't take no sick days.

I don't feel good.

If you have ever wondered why I love my job, it is because of people like the dude above. Working for the Loop has opened my eyes to a whole new class of people that simply make me feel great about life.

For the sake of the story, we'll call this man "Knuckles" and here's his rap...

Every once in awhile, I have to go cover random events for the station (do the job I used to do) when we have people on vacation or too many events that day or whatever. It's fine. I did that stuff for a long time and I'm good at it. With that said though, I have been out of the "on-site" game for awhile now and my tough leathered skin has been softened by the cushion of a desk chair. Like I said, I only fill in once in a rare while.

You learn very quickly when dealing with radio listeners on a daily basis, that they are a certain breed. And by radio listeners, I don't mean the people who casually flip stations in their car on their way to work. The people I am talking about are the die-hards. The people that will engage you in hour long conversations about them listening to the Loop "long before you was even a thought in yo' momma's head" while you are doing an appearance at Advanced Auto Parts in Joliet. Or the guy who rolls up in the parking lot of Menards, honking and screaming and hanging out his rolled-down window at the Loop Hummer before he realizes that no one is in fact in said Hummer. THOSE PEOPLE. And it is because of those people that I have a job and I love them for that...but...over time you develop a thick skin protection from them. You maintain an arsenal of one-liners and comebacks to their textbook "Where's Johnny B?!" and the "You're too ugly to be the Rock Girl!", etc etc etc. You have to. At the height of my event working career, I would shoot them down in a split second. If they were approaching me, I had already heard everything they were going to say at least 30 times in the past week. It's what we do.

So insert current situation. Last week, I had to cover a live broadcast from a bar in Palatine while one of my guys was on vacation. I enjoy the live broadcasts because that's what I do for the most part now...coordinate and produce these live shows. That, and they are the most challenging events that we do on a weekly basis. They are long events, but rewarding when done correctly.

We were about an hour into our broadcast when I realized that I had become soft. I had been out of the dealing with listeners (listeners defined above) game too long. From the stage, I saw Knuckles come moshing his way into the bar and owning that bitch. He came straight for me. I was panic stricken. I tensed up and looked for anything to make me look busy but unfortunately, he was too quick for me. He got to me and stuck out both fists...for me to knuckle pound him of course. So I did and by the end of the show, had done so about 26 times (two fists at once). Shortly after the first "pounding", he was showing me his tats and pictures of "his girl" and so on and so forth. It was obvious that we were becoming friends. A year ago, I would have made contact, shot him down, and sent him on his way. But no, not this time. I was stuck. I showed too much fake interest in his craaaaazy life and I was stuck. He didn't leave the side of the stage for the rest of the show. He "wanted to take all the Loop in that he could".

About an hour before we were done...Knuckles calls me over and tells me that he has something he needs to show me. I get weirded out and say, nah I'm cool. He insists and I tell him that I am not going anywhere with him. He yells "aww hell no dude, it ain't like that!", which I already knew but was just checking. He then rolls his lip down and shows me his pride and joy.

No, fuck YOU asshole.

to be or not to be...

If only I could animate myself in real life...Obviously I didn't get to my list. Perhaps tomorrow at work. I'm going to see the Falcon tomorrow night. I'm pretty excited. Good for Jeff for winning Project Runway...I didn't like his personality, but he did a good job. I still love Michael, but I'm less in love with him since I found out he's dating horbz alien face Brandi. She's the worst.

Bed Time.

xo

K

If that chick don't wanna know, forget 'er....

...I'm at work. Eating my delicious lunch and taking a break from editing the fast paced "Risk Management" newsletter. I had to slow down, otherwise my excitment level might shoot through the roof. Enterprise Risk Management is some crazy ass shit...whew.

but I digress...

My delicious lunch today includes cottage cheese. I keep forgetting that I really like cottage cheese. It never appeals to me in the store and I never think "I could go for some cottage cheese!" but never the less I really like it and I am glad it could be part of my nutritious lunch box.

Yesterday I made a list here at work of things that are of importance/annoyance to me at this moment in time. I left the list at home, but one of them is still fresh in my mind and it is something I'd like to take public.

It would be the outlawing of those stupid shoes that have wheels on them. The ones that parents buy for thier children just to ruin other people's lives/trips to the mall/grocery store/airport.



Ugh. Everytime I see some little monster wearing these shoes it makes me want to grab them and say "The world is not your playground you little annoying child!!! I'm trying to not kill someone today and this is not helping!!!!" But then the parent might actually notice that they have a child for once and I'd go to jail, and I'm too pretty for jail. One thing is for sure, my child, when I have said child, will never be that child.

Circumstances like this strengthen my motivation for my line of children's books entitled "Don't be an asshole!" They would consist of the parent taking the child to places where children are most likely to be an asshole...and teaches them how to act. For example, "Don't be an Asshole, We have to go Grocery Shopping!" would teach children how to go to the grocery store with Mom or Dad and not sit in the cart screaming bloody murder or pulling things off the shelves making me want to trap them in the freezer case. It would also cut out the need for people to push around a Play-School truck that hardly fits down the aisle instead of a cart just so "Maddie" or "Hunter" will be able to sit still for an hour. Don't steal my idea...I'm making it happen.

Other things in the works, thinking of ideas for some t-shirts for myself...trying to like my job...wishing I had more money...and getting a kitten.

I plan on tackling my list this evening. Until then, there's about 15 boring articles with my name on them.

PBWY.

.kw.

This ain't in-school suspension, it's suspension suspension.

Stop me if you've heard the one about the guys returning to the radio show they used to do in college for a reunion/anniversary show, and getting the current hosts suspended from the air for the following week...

Yeah. I wish I was making that up.

Apparently, when a show is being monitored hardcore ...they have a problem with the old hosts making fun of a crippled kid who used to work there on the air. Now, there were a few other factors that made that suspension possible (other incidents, Amber Paine dropping an F-bizzle on the air, etc), but when it came to the final judgment...we tipped the scale on that. The current hosts later went on to return to the air for a couple weeks and then were suspended until the end of November for another incident (not related to us). I found all of this out late on Sunday night, and normally, I wouldn't care. Not my problem, right? Wrong.

I have a serious problem with disappointing people that I respect...bosses, parents, family members, heroes, teachers, etc. Not serious problem as in I do it often, because well, that would make it a lot easier to take, but a serious problem in that it debilitates me. It consumes me with shame and I cannot function normally until it is mended. So, while hearing about all this suspension drama, I found out about the suspension we were responsible for and that J.Madormo was extremely upset with us. That's where it all become my problem. I have the utmost respect for this man and disappointing him was like disappointing a parent. He chose not to confront us about it to save a rift between us, but I could not sleep a wink knowing there was any ill will towards me and my pals after having such great experiences at that radio station. Hell, it got me the job I have today and the million memories I still retain.

So first thing Monday morning, I wrote John a lengthy email to clear my name and I would be more than happy to share it with you if you wish. It was a damn good email and it made things right between us and all is well again. If anything, it probably made our relationship with him, that much stronger. I felt like a turd for emailing, but there is just no way I could have ever faced a phonecall of that caliber.

Lesson learned: don't make fun a club-footed kid on the radio, even if he is a dick.

"Long story short, it's hard to be funny..."

...A couple of days ago I was brushing and flossing when all of a sudden I saw a huge dark spot on my back left tooth. I was so upset, because I brush and floss quite often, and generally have tried to take good care of my delicate teeth. When I say delicate I mean that I'm no stranger to the root canal or removal of bad tooth, in fact I'm quite familiar with these procedures. So this is why I try very hard and this is also why I was so devistated. How embarrased was I going to be when I went to my dentist with this HUGE cavity??? Well I can tell you one thing, not as embarrassed as going to him with the HUGE cavity and it turning out to be a fucking filling that I got last year, which for some reason I never noticed in almost 365 days of brushing and flossing my delicate teeth. Worlds shortest dentist appointment=3 minutes.

On the way home, I was behind a semi and missed my exit, so i ended up going east on 90 instead of west, right by the toll booth. 35 minutes and $2.00 later I was on my way home. I then honked at an old man to let him know he could merge and he gave me the finger, with purpose. Like shaking it up and down at me.

Honestly? Honestly. Life: 1, Me: 0.

Please Pardon Our Dust...

Talk about dropping the ball. This has been sitting idle for quite some time. I blame adulthood, (as I do for most of the shortcomings and unfortunate events in my life) for the fact that Mr. Gordon and I no longer see each other on a regular basis-or enough to even correspond about the lives that we no longer lead together.

Miraculously, we did have an enjoyable lunch encounter today and realized that we are both way too funny, charismatic, witty and full of shit to leave this unattended. So, there will be a format change...meaning there really isn't a format...and there will be writing.

over and out.

.k.


P.S. Life Circa 2004